Motherhood Musings

Greetings, Wavy Ones!

Here in New England, the lilacs are in full bloom on this cool, overcast day, and as their scent wafts in my window, it's the perfect cozy setup for musing on some of the many facets of motherhood...

The Eternal Sunshine of Motherly Love

To begin, the gorgeous Celtic Knot you see above represents 2 hearts woven into the infinity sign - love that is eternal. But is this symbol just for literal mothers? I think not... read on!

The Mothering Instinct

We all have it, whether we've borne a physical child or not. (More on this later...)

Just yesterday, I saw the ancient neighborhood cat making his rounds through the various yards, but this time he was limping badly. I stood still, trying to decide if I should lean into my tugging instinct to help him while also realizing that this independent creature has never allowed me close proximity to him. Would he even accept it if I was to grab him now when he was in pain? In the end, I let him make his way into the bushes, praying that his owner would be able to patch him up.

How many times have we all been drawn to help someone or something that appeared to us was in a bind? It's a beautiful human trait to want to give assistance, even if it's not always the right circumstance for our giving natures to be accepted. 

Sometimes it's difficult to discern where our caretaking inclinations should be directed. And sometimes, it sneaks up on you in the most wonderful ways. I've experienced this with "my" 18+ year old kids in Nepal - I never in a million years expected to be mothering 55 young adults in their transition from orphan homes to independent living, yet I was called and here I am doing it. Amazing! And it feels so good to have a whole new world opening up for me through them.

What is a "Mother of Invention?"

YOU!

Whether you've had a child or not, you've produced copious imaginative ideas throughout your life. And, very likely, you've watered, nourished and protected those ideas until they flowered into powerful realities that have affected many for the better.

Take a moment now to remember all you have created... then find a journal and start to jot them down. I think you will be amazed at the number of life-altering plans you've birthed and put into action.

Kudos - I salute you!

Mothering Oneself

It will probably come as no surprise to you that if I had to choose one consistent theme in all my counseling (and personal) experience, it would be the essential need to reparent ourselves. And it all starts with the Mom within.

No matter how wonderful our mothers are or may have been, there are always gaps - circumstances where we were not met, seen, understood or appreciated. Welcome to human fallibility!

Given that, did we have the mothers we specifically needed? I think yes, for even in their imperfections (or especially in their imperfections) I believe we choose our parents as the best "wayshowers" for what we want to accomplish as a soul. Sometimes they show the way in a beneficent manner, sometimes in the opposite, or perhaps a combination. Either way, we came in to learn from them and to accept that they were tailor-made for us.

When I figured this out, it completely reframed my entire upbringing. I began asking, "What was I wanting to learn from these two people called my parents? And how could I choose the components of my life as a result of my unique exposure to them?"

Until I came to this understanding, I was looking in the outside world for someone else to fill in the holes my mother and father had left. It was a strange relief to discover that the only person who could attend to those missing pieces was me - at least there was something I could do about it! This empowering realization set me free.

But old habits can be hard to break. In the beginning of my journey of re-parenting myself, when I would mess up, that critical voice that was ever-present in my young world would creep back in and the effect was just as punishing as if I was 9 again. Then I figured out how to stop it by substituting different language and emotions other than shame and guilt. I learned to speak more kindly to myself, to embrace my own imperfections and even to love myself, warts and all.

Thankfully, the Infinity Wave is a fantastic, instantaneous "voice-buster" because it's compassion and love floods the field before any internal negativity can bring the energy down.

Does this mean we don't take responsibility for mistakes? No. It's more a matter of accepting imperfections without annihilating the entire being.

So, this Mother's Day, spend some time thanking your mothers and being loving to yourself. You're so worth it!

With infinite love and blessings,

-Hope